If You Had Any Brains, You Would've Gone To The Hospital
by hetalianGemini
Summary: (Gift Fic, Posted With Permission) (Early Character Used) (Set In Time With Eddisode) 2004 Tord in case i needed to clear that up. MPREG


"Hurry up, Tord!"

He was running as fast as his legs could carry him, panting from the effort. Zombies were hot on his tail, groaning loudly. He looked ahead to where Edd was holding the door to a porta potty open for him. He ran inside, and Tom quickly slammed the door shut, locking it afterwards. The trio slumped to the ground, worn out from running so much. Panting for air, they began to discuss their next move. Tord moved to sit somewhere more comfortable, deciding on a clean(ish) bathtub. He tried to settle his breathing, taking deep breaths. His lungs weren't in the best shape (partially due to smoking) so he had a hard time trying to catch his breath. He nearly stopped breathing when a slight tap from his stomach startled him. He brushed it off as a weird muscle spasm, but then it happened again. Placing a hand over his trenchcoat where his belly was, he tried to think of an explanation to his situation. Nothing seemed to make sense, but then he felt his stomach tense up. He screamed, gripping the sides of the tub like a life line, until after almost a full minute of agony it finally let up.

"What the hell Tord," Tom said angrily, "You're going to attract more zombies if you keep yelling!"

"I-I can't help it, something wrong Tom," he whimpered, shifting his position slightly.

His stomach tightened again, and he bit down on his hand to keep from screaming. His eyes were screwed shut, tears pricking the corners. When he relaxed, he removed his hand from his mouth, only to find that he was bleeding.

"O-oh god," he whined, trying to wipe away the salty trails rolling down his cheeks.

Tom and Edd were busy making a plan, it he could already tell that they weren't interested in what was happening to him.

"I'll just have to t-tough it out," he said to himself.

He threw his legs over the side of the tub, spreading them. Then, he waited for the pain to come. This time, when his stomach tightened again, it was accompanied by another tap to the inside of his stomach.

"Agh, what is that?" he asked aloud, leaning back.

When it finally let up, he was left a sweating, panting mess. His hair was starting to fall in his face, barely resembling horns anymore. Not that he cared or anything, it was just hard to see when his dark brown locks were obscuring his view. He screamed as his stomach tensed up again, wiggling his hips.

"I could r-really use s-some help here," he said, as sarcastically as he could. Tom and Edd ignored his silent plea for help, and he rolled his eyes.

The pains were starting to form a rhythm now, one surfacing every two to three minutes. He moaned after each one finished, not cared how much of a wimp he sounded right now. All pride went right out the window when they decided to make camp in a bathroom.

He was doing just fine, making it through every harsh cramp, until something odd happened. His stomach tensed up as usual, but then fluid rushed out of him, staining his jeans. His eyes went wide, and he tried to cover it up before Tom noticed.

It was too late however, and the eyeless Brit laughed, "Guess the commie's afraid of zombies."

"Cut it out Tom," he huffed, face turning red.

He then felt an intense rush of pain in his pelvis, and he screamed in agony.

"Shut up Tord, we're trying to think of something!" Edd yelled, whipping around to face him.

"I-I'm sorry!" he apologized, "S-something's happening to me and I don't know what it is!"

"Maybe he's on his period," Tom joked, immediately being silence by a kick to the face from Tord.

Something squirmed deep inside of him, and he groaned. Edd and Tom exchanged a glance before the former whipped off his pants.

"H-hey," he whined.

"Do you want my help or not?"

That shut him up quick.

Edd then pulled off his soaked boxers, though not without a hushed "Ew". It was awkward looking at his friend's nether regions, and even more awkward when he noticed his clenching entrance.

"What, are you thinking of putting your dick in me?" Tord joked, though it quickly tapered off with a soft groan.

"No, it's just that, oh god I can't believe I'm saying this, your entrance is clenching."

The Norwegian teen immediately avoided Edd's gaze, face turning scarlet again.

"I'll never be able to look you in the eyes after this one," the cola-loving teen said, grimacing.

Edd then felt around his stomach, searching for signs of anything wrong. He was certainly surprised when he felt a kick underneath his palm.

"Uh, Tord? I'm no doctor, but I think we may have a bit of a problem," he said nervously.

"Oh my god I'm going to die in this damn bathroom aren't I?"

"Calm down you big baby. Or, well, I should say baby mama."

"What?!"

Edd was about to elaborate, when Tord screamed again.

"Edd! Edd, I need to push. Oh my god!" he blubbered, tears rolling down his face.

"Just go slow, and push with the contractions," the cola-loving brunette said, "At least, that's what they say on TV."

Tord bore down, face turning red from the effort. He gasped when he ran out of steam, the now-confirmed contraction ending. Stopping to push his hair out of his face, he took a breather.

"E-Edd?"

"Yeah?"

"What are we going to do with them? I mean, we're still teenagers!"

Edd thought long and hard on that one.

"I don't know, but we're going to figure something out."

Tord gasped at the feeling of something slipping downwards inside of him.

"Edd, something just moved!"

"It's alright Tord, it's just the baby coming out of you."

The Norwegian teen groaned and bore down again, clutching Edd's hand. The cola-loving brunette stifled a roar of pain, tears starting to form in his eyes.

"Tom," he said pointedly, voice cracking, "Can you start working on our escape plan?"

"Sure thing, boss," the eyeless teen said, giving a mock salute.

Edd rolled his eyes, and went back to helping Tord. The other had made a lot of progress, pushing his baby out almost halfway. He was starting to ease into it, not panicking as much as he did earlier. Though he did shriek when he felt a sharp kick to his walls.

"Eddie, please," he whined.

"Please what?" Edd joked, smiling.

"It hurts."

"It's alright, you're almost done."

True to his word, Tord was almost done with his labor. The head of his child was beginning to crown, and he bit down on his hand to stifle his screech of pain.

"Shh, it's alright," Edd reassured, running his thumb over the soft hand in his grasp.

"Agh, Edd this is really embarrassing, but can you grab my pocket knife? I'm starting to- ngh- tear."

Nodding, he grabbed the coveted object. Running under the water coming from the sink, he cleaned it off the best he could before lining it up with Tord's entrance. He quickly slit it, the other letting out a hiss of pain. The baby's head was now crowning, and Edd could see why Tord was concerned. Even his entrance slit cleanly, this child was still pushing him to his limits.

"Edd, c-catch them," he moaned as they slipped free from his body.

The teen in question removed his hoodie and placed it under the child's head, slowly easing them out of his friend's body. Once the smaller body left his, Tord relaxed, becoming like putty in the small tub. Edd cleared the baby's airway, and they began to whimper.

"It's a girl," he said, handing the child off to their 'mother'.

"Ugh, I'm so glad that's over," Tord said, allowing her to latch on to his nipple.

Tom came up to them, saying, "Everything's done, and we're ready to roll out when Tord is."

Feeling waves of contractions from what he assumed was his body trying to get the placenta out, he nodded his head.

"Well, let's go!"

Tom gave them a running start before hopping on the top seat. Tord held his child close, away from the reach of zombies. The undead always seemed to freak him out, though not his baby girl. She babbled and cooed at them, staring with her brown and red eyes.

Leaning closer to his friend, Edd said, "Might I ask who the father is?"

Staring awkwardly down at his shoes, Tord said, "I don't know."

"Well, I could be their dad."

Tord looked up warmly, smiling.

"I bet she'd love that."


End file.
